Wingmen

This is the “Why” that I wrote the book Rules of Engagment.
As I approached 40 years of age, I started to look back upon my life and I became very reflective.  I asked myself one question, “Why?”  Why did I do what I did and why had I taken the path in life that I did.  I could really relate to what King Solomon must have been contemplating in the later part of his life.  As some would say I had an ecclesiastical state of mind.  Up to that point, I had done everything that I put my hand to.  I was a star athlete and student in high school, Unanimous All- America in college, Air Force fighter pilot with 45 missions in Northern Iraq, 3 time Super Bowl Champion with a nine year career with America’s Team (you either love ‘em or hate ‘em) the Dallas Cowboys.  But it took a major trial in my life with the heath of my son that made me realize that I wasn’t in control and that the “things” that I had accomplished were just that – “things.”  The priorities that I started my adult life pursuing, that I thought were important for me, my wife and kids, and my career—weren’t all that important—they were temporal.  Life has a funny way of taking turns.  I was at a crossroads in my whole thought process – my perception of realty was changing focus.  The lens that I viewed the world through was becoming clearer.
During this time of reflection, I was reading a lot of historical works – both theological and political.  I looked at myself and the world around me and I was seeing a “dumbing down” of our Judeo –Christian belief system and the history of our nation.  I was seeing mistakes being made that we as a people have made in our past—time and time again.  It reminded me of the old saying that I heard many times when flying A-10’s – “Don’t bust your R.O.E. - Rules of Engagement.”  These were “rules” that were there for our safety.  A lot of pilots speak of them as being written in blood because at one time someone busted a rule and it cost him his life.  Then the “idea” light bulb went on—God has set up His creation with certain ROE and that if we bust them –we get hurt. After playing football for 19 years and taking a few blows to the head, it takes a while for things to sink in.  At least that is my excuse – more likely it is because I am a man and just wired to be hard headed but that is another story.  God gave us freedom – freedom of choice.  For example, we can choose to worship Him or not.  We can choose to follow the path of our own selfish indulgence or follow His.  We can choose to walk beside others and share our burdens or go it alone.  That is what this book is about and the reason why I wrote it.  I looked around my life and saw the times I busted God’s ROE and how it affected me.  I was forgiven for the mistakes that I made and I felt His grace but I was still accountable for my actions.  I wanted to write something that I could not only hand to my kids but to other men that would be something for them to learn from—to prevent them from making the same mistakes that I made – to not bust the ROE that God has put in place.  We all have a “story” to tell.  This one is mine.
In closing, we all need to remember that God is God and can’t be explained in simplified terms.  You can go as deep as the ocean or as shallow as a rain puddle in your pursuit of Him.  But that doesn’t change the fact that we were created with one purpose in mind—to glorify and worship Him.  That is the main rule that all men must follow.

Work ethic isn’t just about tackling the big game or being the best you can be in the athletic or business arena.  Developing a work ethic is also crucial to our relationships as human beings.  First and foremost, we have to remember that relationships aren’t about us as individuals.  They’re always about the other person or entity, such as your wife in your marriage, the customers in your business, or God himself.  In every relationship in your life, remember this simple truth:  It’s not about you.
When I flew missions, either in training or in combat, I made a point of seeking to overcome my sense of isolation.  I worked at developing a rapport with my wingmen outside of the cockpit.  We worked out together, or hit the officers’ club at the end of a long day.  We talked, we shared.  We had to build bonds so that we could trust the same individuals we would be going into battle with.  The relationships we forged with one another were based on a core principle:  in combat, we had to be willing to give our lives for each other.
In civilian life, it’s not often that we’re called upon to risk our lives for another human being.  But the concept is still the same.  In Christian terms, it’s what’s known as “dying to self.”  It’s giving of yourself to the other person to the point where your own happiness becomes secondary.  Any relationship that you value needs to be given this focus—and you must have faith that it’s mutual.  If the giving and taking are not mutual, then you have to ask yourself if the relationship truly is of value to you.  Unfortunately, recognizing an unbalanced relationship is one of the most difficult of life’s challenges—second only to acknowledging it.  Is there anything worse than the realization that a friend, spouse, or loved one does not care about you as you do for him?
But if the feelings and the desire to make the relationship work are mutual, the feeling can be one of elation.  And believe me:  it doesn’t happen overnight.  Here’s where the “work” part of “work ethic” comes into play.  The relationships in your life will only give back to you what you put into them.  The going will often be hard, and sometimes it may seem like you’ll never make it.  Yet if you call upon your well of patience, the rewards will definitely be worth it.

Hey Guys,
Once again we enjoyed a phenomenal corporate event. Eric was fantastic! Wingmen always recharges my batteries. I am fed here. Because I am fed, I give. Chad hates to talk about money, I don’t. My personal belief is that we should tithe a minimum of 10%. Where should we tithe? Again, my thoughts, we should tithe to promote God’s work in His earthly kingdom. If Wingmen isn’t promoting God’s work I don’t know what is. You all know that it costs a significant amount to put on a corporate event. In that light I am asking you to give whatever you can. Thanks for your participation in Wingmen.

The most strategic relationship in our lives as believers is, not surprisingly, our relationship with God.  I see many men today confused about God’s hand in their life.  For example, in our unstable economic climate, an unemployed worker may hold firm to the belief that God will provide for him.  As Psalm 104 states, God provides for the animals, His children—and we as humans fall under that umbrella.  So the unemployed worker checks out, waiting for God to deliver.  But that’s not what the psalm means.
Nowhere is work ethic as important as in our connection to He who created us.  Our relationship with God is a strategic one.  “A man’s heart deviseth his way,” reads Proverbs 16:9, “but the Lord directeth his steps.”  In modern parlance, I will call this “noggin navigation.”  A friend coined this term and I practiced this technique many times with my son on outings when he was young.  I would keep a hand on his head, directing him to go here but not there.  He was doing the walking; I was only navigating.  That’s how God works with us.  We perform the actions, and God does the guiding.
The belief that God will open all the doors for you is partly true:  He will open them, but you must uphold your end of the relationship by looking for them and walking through them.  God is not going to carry you through.  Although He can, but that is more the exception as opposed to the rule.  You must do your share of the work in order to enjoy results.  As Benjamin Franklin once said, “God helps those who help themselves.”
In Deuteronomy, when the children of Israel left Egypt for the promised land of Canaan, they were continually battling opponents.  Before Joshua took over as leader of the Israelites, God told him, “Be strong and of good courage.  Fear not, nor be afraid of them.”  Sometimes the Israelites faced fierce combat; other times God fought the battle for them, slaying their foes before they even arrived on the battlefield.  However, the Israelites never knew beforehand what they would face, but they went anyway, prepared for anything, knowing God was on their side.  Sometimes God blesses us, and sometimes He surprises us.  But no matter what we may face, we must hold strong to our beliefs, work towards our goal, and pray that the Lord will bless our steps ( as long as they don’t contradict His word and common sense).
The things I’ve cherished most in life are the things I’ve worked hardest for.  In all of my achievements, God has been by my side, guiding my next move.  He’s been cheering me on, monitoring my progress, and spurring me toward greater success.  My determination and solid work ethic has provided the fuel for my accomplishments, while God has navigated through them all.
God wants nothing more than to harness your work ethic for His glory.  If you give him that opportunity, you’ll unleash the potential within yourself to do all you ever dreamed. 

I’ve had a number of requests from people that need help finding work. If you want to help someone or need help yourself, then join us on Wingmen Jobs now available on LinkedIn.

Join the group and invite your friends who are of high integrity. This is a high powered group who are willing to step up and help a brother out. If you need work then join the group and Post your ideal job. If you have an opening post it to the group.

Let’s face it we could all use a little help these days!

Go to Wingmen Jobs now available on LinkedIn.

I’ve received a few emails from men who have been in need of prayer and men who’s prayers have been recently answered. It occurs to me that we really need to leverage the power of our new website to help each other. I am calling you out right now - NO GUTS…NO GLORY!

If you have the guts to share your testimony right here, right now then we can give God the Glory! On the other hand if you have no guts then there is no glory.

To submit your story for posting simply make a comment below. Your comment IS your story. This message is moderated so we will have to manually approve the story before it shows up on the site - so be patient!

I remember playing peek-a-boo with my baby boy and him sitting on my lap. That was followed by a round of “I’m soooo big!” where I would stretch out his arms wide when saying the long drawn out “soooo” part of the sentence. I was reminded of this time in my life at church tonight. It was odd because my son is now 16 years old and he is now as tall as me.

It’s funny how normal it is for us to want to feel big as children. Now that I am older I’m not feeling so big anymore. In fact, I’m feeling rather small and inadequate. We have six children and for the most part we look good on the outside, but on the inside I’m fumbling around with parenting a 16-year old. I’m having trouble remembering being sixteen. All I can remember is that I didn’t want to be like my parents, but I can no longer remember why.

I am once again reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 “A Thorn In My Flesh”

In this story Paul tells of having a thorn in his flesh. Bible scholars have debated as to whether or not this was a physical thorn, moral thorn or relational thorn. Paul doesn’t ever say. I think it’s a relational thorn. The beauty of the story is that Paul never explains it any further so I guess it doesn’t really matter. For some it may be a physical thorn like cancer or an illness you have been fighting. For others it may be a moral thorn - something you just can’t shake that makes you vulnerable. Maybe your like me and you have a relational thorn with a child or your marriage or maybe it’s your parents or a boss.

Paul describes the thorn in the flesh as “a messenger from satan to torment me-to keep me from exalting myself!” That sums it up for me. I’m not feeling soooo big tonight.

Like Paul I am pleading for the thorn to be removed. Help me to be a better father! Give me wisdom, strength and patience!

I want so much for my son to see me like Superman - but I am a bumbling idiot with him. In ways we are too much alike and in others we are miles apart. I am desperately trying to connect but I am stuck somewhere between parent, coach and counselor. I am inadequate for the task at hand.

God told Paul “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”

I am reminded tonight that the recognition of our inadequacy is the pre-condition of our receiving grace from God. God’s power is made perfect right in the middle of our weakness - NOT after it, but during it!

I am a man of weakness NOT a man of steel. The image of Jesus is not the image of Superman. Jesus was a man on the cross - broken. That IS where God’s power was perfected in His son. We are men of weakness not men of steel.

Paul says, “Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distress, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” I wish I was smart enough to say that!

God meets us where we are at but he doesn’t want us to stay there. Strength isn’t automatic. We must acknowledge our weakness to God then He can meet us at our point of need.

There are 3 areas that satan attacks us and that God will use for His glory if we are willing to acknowledge our weakness to Him.

1. That which seems un-redeemable becomes a trophy of His grace. In other words, our broken past redeemed becomes God’s trophy or glory. Our past failure, pain, shame and guilt can be redeemed. You are never so far away from God that He will not receive you.

2. That which seems impossible becomes possible. Maybe God wants to use you, but you believe your past disqualifies you. Or your present disqualifies you. Or your lack of resources disqualifies you. His power meets us at our need.

3. What seems un-lovable gets loved. Nobody knows our darkness and brokeness as well as we know it ourselves. Satan fills our minds with stinking thinking “I’m not worth loving.” God loves us beyond performance and self sufficiency.

I am placing my brokeness at Jesus feet tonight. I invite you to join me in doing the same.

I need to hear Jesus say, “I am bigger than your fear, your pain, your guilt, your inept parenting! I know how it makes you feel. I know what it is like to feel tormented, weak, small and inadequate.”

I need Jesus to tell me, “I’m soooo big!”

I decided after years to reconfigure my bedroom and placed a small tv on a nightstand at the foot of our bed. We were excited to watch “Amazing Grace” on DVD. After the first 15 minutes my wife fell asleep. Twenty minutes into it I fell asleep. I woke up for the last 20 minutes. So this is what I caught… A guy named William wanted to end slavery in England. He was passionate about this pursuit. He was also introduced to a girl. I got this in the first 20 minutes. In the last 20 minutes, he had won a House of Commons vote to end slavery and the girl was cheering him on.

I thought to myself, this was a boring movie but the write up on the package was so enticing and made it sound like an epic drama. So what happened?

The middle of the movie must have obviously been a series of trials and failures that William had overcome. Without the trials the movie was boring.

I started relating this to my own life. As I look back, it has been all the trials and failures that I have overcome that have shaped me and molded me into the man I am today.

I want to encourage you today that if you are struggling through life and it is anything but boring, you are exactly where God is shaping you and molding you into the man you are to become. God has not placed you on this earth to be boring. He has a plan for your life. You are building your test-i-mony. When you have passed the test, you will win the vote and perhaps there will be a girl cheering you on. Don’t fall asleep in the middle of your life, when you look back you will realize it was the best part of your story.

Who, What, Why, When, Where:  For me personally this group essentially started out of frustration.  I was in the thick of things with my transition into business. I was struggling with the balance between family time and business time. I was being beat up with the medical issues my son was facing. And I had a stagnant spiritual life.  I looked around and saw that I had no passion for life.  I was going through the motions and I was playing at church.  My relationships at church were superficial, non personal.  I never let anyone inside my fortification that I built.  I had all kinds of struggles and temptations and I had no one to vent to. I had no one to answer the questions on the wisdom of life that I was seeking. 
Out of this need I met Jack.  And we met on a one to one basis for several weeks, talking about a variety of real life issues.  I realized thru my personal relationships in business and personal life, I found that there were a lot of men who had the same struggles and questions.  “Is this as good as it gets.”  “Am I fulfilling my purpose in life?”  This is what the catalyst for this group was. 
So why this group?  Have you ever felt that you just don’t fit in or that you feel guilty that you are not participating in some ministry aspect at your church?
Our vision is to reach men; to mentor/disciple and to minister to men.  We want to challenge you to raise the bar, to strive for the next level, to reinvigorate the passion God designed you to have.  When I retired from the Cowboys I lost the passion for the game.  I was just going thru the motions and for those of you who have participated in athletics particularly in football; if you are going thru the motions you are going to get hurt.  That is the same in life if you are going thru the motions you are going to get abused and beat up and eventually are going to get hurt – mentally and spiritually.  We don’t want to replace the church.  We want to encourage you to get involved with the church, but the kingdom of God is bigger than going to church on Sunday.  There is value in men coming together confronting the real problems that only men understand.  Hopefully you can see the value in this.  The kingdom is a 24/7/365 proposition.  This is not just a bible study.  It is not just an accountability group.  It is not just a mentoring opportunity.  It is not just an opportunity to seek counseling.  It is an opportunity to improve your relationship with Christ, with other men, and to have fun.  It is a group run by businessmen, not “professional church types.”  Bottom line is it is an opportunity for you to be the man God is calling you to be and to fulfill your purpose.
I subsequently have found out that there is data to support what I was feeling.  George Barna has found that 1.5 MM Christian leaders are leaving the brick and mortar church each year.  2000 pastors are leaving the church per month.  In 2014 the church is slated to be 40 % smaller than today.  These are cold hard facts.  Why is this happening?  Where are these leaders, pastors, and lay people going?  They are not abandoning their faith – they are actually pursuing God with more passion and more gusto.  Barna calls it a revolution.  I am not a statistician or theologian, but I do recognize when God is moving the hearts of men to himself.  That is what I want to be a part of.